BRUCE WANG (Principal Writer)

The son of a Chinese drag artist and a 13 year old Belgian prostitute called Chloe with webbed feet, Bruce “Missie” Wang  has never let his total lack of talent put him off anything. 

His ambitions, though, are high, as is his insistence on perfection.  For example; even at the age of 64 he is steadfastly holding onto his virginity, saving himself for “the right person”.  His criteria however, may be just too high – insisting as he does that first and foremost the “ideal person” should be a woman.

ALEXANDER  FODOR (Writer without Principles)

At the tender age of 21 Alex “Love Muscle” Fodor  is the youngest, and probably most talented member of the team.  He has enormous genitals and prefers only the most expensive and exclusive aftershaves (based on secretions from bull seals’ private parts).  All factors that were heavily brought into play when booking the actresses on ridiculously low rates and ‘special favour’ bonuses.  Despite being straight several of the male actors were also strongly drawn to “Love Muscle’s” natural charisma and charm, hoping, unsuccessfully, to be offered similar contracts, but in the end having to just accept the money.